Have you ever screamed at the top of your lungs at church?

Lately I've found myself at meetings and services where it's gotten pretty wild. Pure crazy and loud for Jesus! I'm talking, the kind of noise you only are used to hearing at college football stadiums. I have been in many many great church services and evangelistic meetings over the years but something has changed lately. Do you feel it?

I can remember when John Bevere came to our church last year and told us to shout for freedom at the top of our lungs. The roar shook the building and went on for at least 3 minutes maybe longer. It was the loudest sound I'd ever heard and yet it was music to my ears. What did that do you ask? Is there any need for that in the church you might think? Well you tell me? Have you ever shouted in praise to God like that? Well if you haven't then you have no idea.

I've been in a charismatic church now for around 18 years. There's always been excitement and a small group of people that were "free." But it wasn't me. I remember raising my arms half way in praise to God. That felt good to me. I was able to express my surrender and love for God in a new way that was safe but didn't draw too much attention to me. Because I'm sure everyone was looking at me....right? Lol. Why does everything have to be about us?

Then I remember the day that I flung my arms as high as I could get them in the air...and it felt good. I couldn't keep my arms down. I was unaware of the moment. Caught up with Him! Because I got to know my God a little better. I realized how much He loves me and gave me....and just like someone in the natural who'd had given me such a great gift, I found myself needing to express my love and gratitude a bit differently.

When sports fanatics watch a game they get into it. They yell and holler and laugh and run around like drunk idiots! (No offense sports fanatics. But you know you do!) Why do they do that? Because they are DEVOTED to their team. Because they love to celebrate with other fans and proudly let it be known that that's their team!!! Speaking of drunk...have you ever realized how drunk people don't care who's watching....they are in another world aren't they. They are caught up in drunk fantasy world! Makes me think of the scripture in Acts when the people accuse the believers speaking in tongues of being drunk. I wonder what they were doing and how they were acting to be accused of being drunk? Well I know....because I've seen it. How much PASSION did Jesus have for you gong to that cross? How much have you got for Him?

You know what the world does. It perverts. And it steals from the Bible. Hollywood's great stories of good vs. evil. All of Buddah's encouraging words. The Bible is the beginning. Everything came from it. And yet in this move of new age and karma people act like some person was a genius for discovering some new law of attraction and whatnot. But you see the world takes things and claims them for itself.

Why will we go to a football game and scream and holler for our team and jump up and down and shout praises when they are victorious? Why do people take their school colors and wear them upon every inch of their bodies in pride? But when we go to church we gotta act cilivized, right? Put on your church face and your church clothes and try not to fall asleep when the preacher is preaching.

Well my days of that are over. Because He's been too good to me to stay silent. I have discovered Him in a way I never dreamed. He's real to me. He's more real than you are to me. And there is nothing I enjoy more that getting in a room full of believers who just wanna express themselves to God. I find that I can't keep my arms down! I can't stay in the seat being entertained by the offering song! He's been too good to me. He's changed me forever and I can't help myself. I'm undone and I like it.

One morning I woke up with the words IT WAS FOR FREEDOM THAT CHRIST SET YOU FREE in my mind. They were so loud and clear and intimate and direct that I felt like I'd never heard them before. Like it was said to me for the first time.....so I remember asking Daniel if it was a Scripture because I was so confused. Of course it was (so thankful that my husband knows the Word forwards and backwards...he should be on a Bible trivia game show!). Yes, there it was in Galatians 5:1, "It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery." Look at it in a few different translations:

New Living Translation (©2007)
So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don't get tied up again in slavery to the law.

The Message
Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you.

And that morning in the bed I realized that this verse is for me in every area of my life. If I am bound by a habit, Christ set me free on the cross! If I am bound by what others think of me, Christ set me free on the cross! And He didn't do it just for kicks! He did it so I WOULD TRULY BE FREE. When we take up those same things He died for it's like saying His sacrifice wasn't enough. But it was. And you know, fear of man can be so crippling. And it's really sad that we let the devil control us so much with it. I was ready to live life differently. Put all my eggs in one basket. Lay it all on the line. Sell out! No matter what.

You see, God is a jealous God. The same God from Deuteronomy is the same God we serve. And guess what? He's still jealous. He wants ALL of us. Not a half-hearted puny part reserved for proper worship on Sunday mornings. He wants every fiber of our being to worship Him and only Him. And He deserves it.

God isn't going to let the passion of a bunch of sold-out sports fanatics or young Muslim suicide bombers burn harder and brighter than His people. He's calling a remnant to be sold out for Jesus! John the Baptist radicals to proclaim the coming of the Lord! To usher in His presence with worldy abandonment! He's coming back for us. Not the lukewarm church who can't remember it's first love. To the bride burning with passion and zeal! Who's been preparing for this moment it's whole life just as a young bride dreams of her wedding. Who's kept herself for the only One that really matters and forsaken the lusts and draws of the world.

I'm not saying you have to throw your arms in the air to worship God. Why would I say that? People are all different, with differences and different expressions. Freedom may look and feel different to different people. But I wonder what it's gonna be like in Heaven?? How happy will we be? Oh how fun to run and rejoice with the angels! To shout Hosanna! To fall on our faces in gratitude and awe of the beauty, justice and mercy of the God of the universe who saved our souls!

I'm ready! But until then, I want to get in alot of practice!!!

Seventeen

taken from a note I wrote on February 2, 2010...

Seventeen years ago today I watched my dad take his last breath in his body and watched it die. I can still remember that moment like yesterday. Seventeen years is a long time. And I only knew him for 19 years, so that's even more amazing that I can remember him.

I remember watching his tired body struggle so hard to breathe. Every breath I'd think, "was that his last?" When he did take that last breath I can remember feeling many things but the most powerful feeling was a peace that passed understanding.

We had believed with all our hearts that my dad would be healed by God of this cancer. He had struggled for almost 2 years with it, and 11 years earlier as well. But this time, we had discovered that God still does miracles today! We had discovered the power of the Holy Spirit, thanks to a random stranger visiting my dad in the hospital one day. Or maybe it wasn't random...

So those almost two years we read, we studied, we prayed, we made him drink papaya juice, we traveled to evangelistic healing crusades. We were positioning ourselves for Dad's miraculous healing! Even though many around us were counting his days and concerned we were setting ourselves up for disappointment. We were in denial, so they said.

But we weren't in denial. We knew cancer kills. We were hopeful! We were expectant! We were humbly surrendered to His will. We were clay in His hands, and he was forming us into useful vessels and we didn't even know it. We were looking for a healing but we found Jesus!

Even my dad was open and willing and expectant. He knew he needed a miracle and he knew only one Man that could help! Those two years with Dad were precious. He changed. He became so humble. He had always been so confident. Not in a condescending, brash way. He loved people and treated everyone equal. But now he was really different. We had many special times where no words were uttered but we five all knew what was going on. God was changing us all together.

So that morning when Dad quit breathing I looked at his body. Lifeless. Cold. Pale. And at that moment a weird, overwhelming, tremendous thought rushed over me like a powerful wind.....he was in the presence of the Lord! I couldn't bring myself to cry. I'd cried all night long in the bed with Chantel thinking how bad he looked and must've felt. He was suffering so bad. But now as I looked at his body I realized the suffering had ended...forever! Forever!!!

But how could this be? This isn't what we prayed for. This isn't what we believed would happen. I mean, we believed! Surely we had more than a mustard seed.

So life went on...as it mysteriously and painfully does after tragedy. Within months I realized I needed to go somewhere that could teach me more about this Holy Spirit that had changed me so powerfully. I went to ORU that summer and found Victory and the restoration and healing began.

Meanwhile, little did I know that a boy down the street was watching me and my family and was amazed at our faith and passion for God. Often times people would come over to "express their condolences" and we'd end up having to cheer them up and give them a shot of faith, so to speak!

Now, look at my life. That boy asked me to marry him, he came to ORU too, we married and have been at our church for almost 17 years now. Chantel and Tim moved here and then my sweet mom, and here is where she found Joe after being widowed for 11 years. And she is so happy. Maybe one day we'll get Christina and family up here, but even apart God continues to knit our hearts and spirits and we are all four close to this day.

God sure is good at causing all things to work out good for people who love Him isn't He? Seeing all that has come out of my dad's passing-- Daniel, ORU, my church where I met Pastors Billy Joe and Sharon, mom finding another to love as she did first, and so on-- am I glad? No, of course not. Dad's life was taken from him at 45! That is way too young. Dad was so wonderful! We all got along so well! I still remember his fun humor-- "Amy, have you got gas?" he'd ask as I left for school. "Yes, Dad, plenty." To which he'd reply, "Are ya takin somethin for it?" just to see me laugh at him! He was such a big strong man who loved his three daughters! He'd always say how glad he was he didn't have any boys! Maybe to make us feel confident we weren't the girl he had wished was a boy, which we weren't. I miss him! Every. Single. Day. Yes, it gets easier but that only makes me sad. I don't want to forget him. I don't want to forget his voice, his laugh, his hands. I don't ever want to forget him hollering in his loud, deep voice during my basketball games, "Amy, don't pass the ball! Shoot the ball!"

But you know, life goes on. We can't sit around spending our whole lives crying about things we can't control. Or don't understand! You know the book of Job is so confusing. But after Job whined and asked God WHY, God didn't give him a good reason. And God loved Job. Lots. He responded to Job by WHO! Who are you Job? Do you have it all figured out? Were you there when the planets were put into motion? Were you Job?!

Well, I know I wasn't there! And oddly, through the tragic passing of my earthly father, I never once asked God why. Not because I'm smart or spiritual, but because the Holy Spirit has given me much grace and much mercy to see life differently.

You see, I am thankful God gave me such a wonderful father, even if only for 19 years. Thankful. Because I got more in those 19 years with Robert Bass as my daddy than most people get in a lifetime!

I choose to be thankful. And to trust God no matter what. Now I know why Jesus talks about leaving your family for Him--not loving or needing anyone more than God. I get it.

So for years...17 to be exact, I've longed for Heaven. I guess I was so close to it that day that I got a taste and knew it was better than imagined! It was worth it! Worth denying myself. Worth surrendering. Worth forsaking all. Worth continual obedience. No matter what.

But lately things have changed for me. Last year my pastor, Billy Joe Daugherty, the one whose ministry guided me into my stable, strong walk with God, departed this earth early too. For the two months before I didn't sleep much. Our home was turned upside down, our schedules were blown, our priorities shifted, and all we did was pray and seek God. This man whom I had come to love as my father, who taught me more about God than anyone, who walked out Christianity more beautifully than I'd ever seen, was in need of a miracle.

Are you kidding me? Again? No! But do you know what I did? I believed! A lot! And I feel quite confident I had more than a mustard seed this time. In fact, I often wonder if any man on earth in history has ever been prayed for more than he was when his need was made known.

Even till the end I believed. Even after the end I believed. In fact, I was shocked when I heard he departed this earth and entered Heaven. I still am shocked. I miss him. I miss his laugh. His prayers. His messages. His presence. You just kinda knew it was all gonna be ok with him around. And it always was. But he too is not here. He is in the presence of the Almighty God! I can't begin to imagine the homecoming he had as he entered those pearly gates! A man who had no greater love than his love for Jesus and the harvest of souls!

So it has changed for me. I no longer am ready to go to Heaven. In fact, I want to stay here on Earth as long as I can now! Because there is so much work to be done! My pastor's life has inspired me so much to see the way he lived. To see the way he loved. To live by the standard of the Word of God, not by the world. There are so many people that are broken and hurting and they need someone to show them the love of Christ. And the Body of Christ...we have so much work! We are supposed to be spotless without wrinkle. So I hope I can stay a long time till I get it right. Till I get myself together. Till I truly begin to walk in that pure, selfless, humility and let God use me in whatever way He wants, without anymore of my questions. Without any more whining from me! Without any self pity or laziness or pride or complacency.

So today, I am grateful. Grateful my dad lived such an honorable life. Grateful for my time with him. Grateful he not only knew the Lord, but he sought after Him with humility and purity. And even though he's not here, because he is not many great things have happened in my life. And they've all led me to my Heavenly Father, and I'm more in love with Him now today than I was yesterday! I am.

I would've never found ORU and all the precious friends I met there. I would've never come to Victory and been pastored by Pastor Billy Joe and most importantly, I may not have married Daniel..one of the best decisions I've ever made.

Thank you Dad. For so much! I can't believe you've been up There for so long! I am jealous. Big time. Thank you God. For everything. I live for you alone! I'll see you both soon...but not too soon! P.S. Give Pastor a hug for me!